I live someone else’s life.

It’s a common phenomenon experienced by many people who have been driven by external pressures from parents and peers to conform to certain standards. Drivers and introjections that are implemented in our mindsets since the very childhood are meant for the better but turn out to harm our free child and to lead to low self-awareness and a feeling of being completely lost in life.

Let’s delve into some details and clear up what exactly introjection means.

Introjection is an internalization of a parent figure and their values. For instance, parents might say something like:

“Life is hard graft - don’t expect anything to come easy.”

“It’s a shame for a woman to be single at her late 20s.”

“Men are all the same, don’t trust them!”

Children often internalize the values and beliefs of their caregivers, even if they contradict their own desires and needs, in order to avoid rejection or abandonment. This can lead to a loss of autonomy, self-esteem, and identity, as individuals struggle to reconcile their own sense of self with the expectations and values imposed upon them by others.

From the moment we’re born, we all have an inner child, free and happy. As we grow, societal pressures and external expectations often lead us to suppress this authentic self, molding us into someone others want us to be. As a result, we begin to live according to others’ expectations, often losing touch with our true nature and desires along the way. Thus, having replaced our own values and desires with other people’s ones, we can no longer tell who we are and what we truly want.

What might people experience in this situation?

• Well, they often find themselves feeling lost and uncertain about their lives.
• They may struggle to identify their true desires and aspirations.
• This can lead to feelings of stagnation, as they’re hesitant to take risks or explore new possibilities due to fear of the unknown.
• They may feel unmotivated and disconnected from their goals.
• They may also judge those who have chosen their own, different way, secretly longing for the freedom to make their own decisions too.
• They may be dissatisfied with their relationships, careers, or overall life circumstances, yet struggle to pinpoint the source of their discontent because everything appears perfect from the outside looking in.

What can you do about it?

Take a moment to tune in to your inner world and ask yourself what truly brings you joy and fulfillment. Start small, like deciding what you’re craving for breakfast or what outfit you want to wear tonight. As you explore your desires, you’ll begin to uncover more profound insights about yourself. Then, take it one step at a time, learning to say no to things that drain your energy, and yes to those that nourish your soul. It’s not about making drastic changes overnight, but about cultivating confidence and making gradual shifts that enhance the quality of your life.

As you navigate life’s ups and downs, take a moment to reflect on what’s truly important to you. Ask yourself questions like “Is this really what I want?”, “Will it make me happy?”, “Why do I do it?” and “What are my other options?”

And last but not least, ask yourself how you can take care of yourself in the present moment. Let’s say, you are tired after a working day. Take a moment to brainstorm some small pleasures that might lift your spirits. You know, like treating yourself to a meal out instead of cooking dinner, or delegating some tasks to loved ones so you can have a break. Sometimes, it’s the simple things that make all the difference - a quiet morning at a cozy cafe, for instance, can be a game-changer for your mood and energy levels. For me, it’s all about trading a chaotic afternoon at home for a productive and peaceful day out, complete with a warm cup of coffee and a sense of calm.

Learn your own needs and desires and take one step at a time.

Take care <З